well its been a while and i know its been a while... in a super super long time... and well ya... wel i been doing pretty good i guess... things r moving really well for once been getting work done gots me a car....gots me a job.... and ya well i been o right with everything... hmm i tried... like always be ya... everything is New with me new hair... and ya...  and ya...  just ya school sucks like always and ... even thought im barely at school it sucks.. but ya thats all well later

-Dark Shadow

well i havent been around for some time... but its good that i m going back a lil.... im trying to be good but you know how it goes... lol... but ya well im just saying wat up and how r u ppl... sorry i havent written in the longest time ever... but ya... happy new year hopefully its a start of something new in my life... or some old becoming new i dont know but will see... i will write later some time...

-Dark Shadow

wow .... lots of comments by ppl that i dont know are saying just saying things behind to me but not to my face. hmm its ok though... i just i have a few people defending me thx. but i havent been around havent had time... and lots has happen. Im smiling now... im happy now...

i will try and write more later ok....


thx for to the people that are defending me when im not around .








-Dark Shadow

sorry i havent written in a while been very busy... with so many things and when i tihnk i have time i have more things to do... so i dont know... well im doing o right for once... its not as bad as b4... and im likeing this one gurl but she cant date till she gets out of college kind of sucks... but she is really cool... really hyper also... but ya... well tomorrow is my sisters 15th party and im a lil nervous cuz we havent practice at all and we have to do so many things ... well see how it goes i write later...

-Dark Shadow

well ok... well my b-day wasnt all that great... the ppl that i thought really cared and wanted me there werent there for me... and i guess its ok i understand who is there for me now.. and who i can depend on... i met a new friend and she really nice... some old friend is talking to me more... andya... but my old friends who i use to be really close with were there and the one person i wanted to be there wasnt there either... i guess its ok i underdstand wat i meant to do.. well i guess i have to look forward to my sisters bday tomorrow... and her 15th party on sat... i guess it could be worse... i played pool lost 25 dollars... then wat else... hmm thats it... had a test and going to have a test tomorrow and then i have to do a big project and my senoir project is done damn... well i work on it all day tomorow... well i better go get some sleep cuz i havent been sleeping yestarday my body was so tried that when i went to lay ohn my bed i just fell a sleep ... i havent had an sleep since last wednesday thats it... latley its been no sleep or 2 hrs of sleep... but ya... i guess i go to bed soon if i could sleep...



-Ever wish u could change a moment in time... or relive that moment...
-wat if life was different from right now

song: Fallen by Sarah McLachlan

-Dark Shadow

ok well i have a few more mins till friday so im like yah.... but i dont know feel like im letting my self down... i dont know may just be me but i dont know... i just feel like im stealing something away from someone but i dont know... tomorrow i want to do something but ask a good friend dennis is he is working... i understand y but damn it sucks he gots to work... but its ok i really didnt know wat i wanted to do... but i will find something out... wat else... hmm i dont know... hmmm sorry i havent written in here for a while been really really busy with school... and work and key club... just dont even have time for my self or me to sleep... but its ok i have a lil more time... i didnt want to go to school but i have to but its ok... well i write later ok


a dream is something that can be true but it a view of the world as u want it to be...

i dream to much

-Dark Shadow

Well out of no well u know how u feel like ur getting out of a big ditch and and all well I been like for a while and I been slowly going up and make its out of the ditch with no problem but then… out of no where I get this feeling where I can feel that wats left of me is getting pulled down to the bottom of the ditch… or like I fallen… but im not sure it just felt like I was getting pull down to the bottom of where I was…and I felt like falling to my knees… like my heart was re-shattered… I felt so weak… I don’t know y it happen or why it happen…

 

 

I know wat im doing to my hair… I just don’t know when I can do it…

 

*dream*

 I want to walk up to her … smile and look into her eyes and tell her that everything will be ok … that if she just take my hand, that they will never be any trouble… you will never see a tear in your eye… that all of your problems will disappear…  that ever since I met you I wanted to be with you… but when I had a chance I always thought I could never be the one for you… that you would be too good… I was afraid that you would think I was not the meant for you… but I wanted to take a chance but then I thought what if she did not like me as much as I liked her… what if she didn’t want me as a boyfriend and only as a friend… : / I was too scared to walk up to you and you never walked up to me… so now I lay in the shadows like I always been… I always have been too scared to go up to thinking that I was never good enough to be with you…

 

 

I cant believe wat you told me that one day… my was shattered … I lost all will to go on.. I fall down to my knees and couldn’t get up .. I didn’t want to believe but I had to.. u looked into my eyes and told me u didn’t care…

 

I remember the pain more then before…

 

 

                                                -Dark Shadow

well ok my friend is having trouble with this one guy and i feel bad for her i really care about her and want her to be happy. she been there for me and im there for her but doesnt seem like im doing much to help her... but i do anything for her... ok crystal * ^_^ *

but in my case i dont know feel kind of lonely and werid... im not sure but seems like ppl r going away from me or im pushing ppl away im not sure.. but im doing o right i guess...my b day is coming up and i dont know wat to do... should i just chill with my friends and go out somewhere or do something else... i dont know i just want it to be better then my last b-days.... but i will see wat i will do... o ya cuz of the fire down here in san diego hmmm my home coming was cancel and changed to the 15th and thats a day where the band goes to LA and the ppl i want to go to the dance are in band so i dont know its more of a chance that im not going... but ya

o ya... im mad at someone she knows who she is... u know wat u did too.. so im mad at u...

but i miss having the things in the past....

What doesnt kill makes u strong...

but wats killing makes u vulnerable...

-Dark Shadow

i know im suppose to not feel anything and not put emotion into everything but its hard for me... i really miss having someone to care about and love... but then again i dont want anyone.... i dont want to go through the mess of me getting hurt or them.... i hate it when ppl get hurt even if i hurt them.. i dont like to but i have to then i will...  so im kind of in the middle....


well yestarday was halloween... and i almost died... well not like it was going to die but it was scary... well my friend was driving and he didnt see the sidewalk and he ran over it and on the other side was a ditch... and we were going down and the tree stopped us.. i was like o shit... i opened my door but a tree was blocking it and i was like ok how do i get out then my other friends came and were like go in back wards and it didnt work and  i was like ok... then my friend was like get out from the back so i did then he tried revsere again and it didnt work so we were like ok everyone sit on the back it the car was like a C saw... u know half way down so we sat on on side and it didnt work.. and we were like crap... then a truck came and was like need help... and we were like ya *the guys GF was hot she ad short shorts on ^ ^* but other then that he had chains so he pulled it and it was working then the chains broke and we were like o shit everyone on the back of the car hurry b4 it goes back... and so we all jumped on and told him to go in revseres and it work and we were like damn... lucky car didnt go do cuz then we all would of been in trouble but ya... if it keep going down i dont know wat would of happen : / .... but im ok


it feels like the more i want to do something the more the darkness takes over me..

the more i feel the less... the more of my old self comes out...

*ur past defines ur future*

do i step out of the dream world into the real world and face my future?

-Dark Shadow

well ok havent written in awhile i been busy ... but ya i dont kow y but i just havent been in the mood... things havent gotten better and im just like tried from everything. there was a fire in san diego but we got a week off cuz there were 3 fires. one north, one south and one east. werid how san diego got surrended by fires.... but ya
i dont know no shcool for a week so it was kind of bad. my head hurts.... o ya cuz of the fire i went to buy a game but it doesnt work on my computer... that sucks but ya so im going to get some things for my computer then see if it works... but ya... well other then that im just ok ppl r being werid though.... but ya things seems to get better. but dont know yet .... well gots to go ok later